At the gym yesterday, I ran into a guy that attended high school with me. What never ceases to amaze me is this guy looks almost exactly as he did 13 years ago. Same good looks with the blonde hair, blue eyes, and 6'1" athletic frame. One of those guys that was the captain of the _______ team (fill that blank in with whatever sport you wish). He and I hadn't seen each other since school so when I saw him at the gym, he didn't recognize me at first.
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Him: "You look familiar to me."
Me: "Well, that's because we went to school together. I'm Jason."
Him: "Oh wow. I haven't seen you in years. How are you?"
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For the next few minutes we discuss our lives from 1994 until now. He's married with kids, works out of town a great deal, but lives just outside of town. Didn't know I was gay, but is "cool" with it, we don't keep in contact with anyone from the class, etc., etc.
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As the conversation progresses, he states that he probably wouldn't have said anything because I look nothing like I did in high school. Which is true, actually. Since graduation, I've lost about 64 pounds, shaved head, and I've worked hard to get here. I faithfully go to the gym as often as I can just to keep the weight off.
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As our conversation ends, he leans over, pats me on the stomach and says: "you know, just a little more hard work, and you'll be rid of that big gut. See you around."
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I looked down. What big gut? I know I don't have the ever elusive "6-pack" and I never will. But I didn't think I had a big gut. I turned and glanced in the mirror. I guess it's juts out a bit, but it seems flatter. And then all of a sudden, I was back in high school. As sophomoric as it sounds, I was once again Chunk from the Goonies.
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All through school, I was the "big" kid that was everyone's whipping boy. I didn't bother anyone, kept to myself, but when school was over I decided to change everything about me. I started exercising, some weights, but I wanted to get the weight off. I had too, I was 70 pounds overweight for my height and frame. It took 3 years, but I finally got most of it gone. I was very proud, but the self-esteem was always elusive. I fought weight for another 8 years, losing the battle and putting on about 40 pounds, then finally taking it off about a year ago, and keeping it that way.
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In the past few months, I'd actually started to like the way I looked. I was feeling good about myself to the point to where I was actually wearing clothes that fit instead of one size to big. It's ludicrous to think that one guy saying something so insignificant could bring all that crashing down; but in a way, it did.
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It's distressing to say that no matter how much you try to block things like that out, they always bring back negative emotions. He meant nothing bad by it at all, but it just stuck there like gum on the bottom of a shoe.
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I don't wish him any harm, but I wonder (and always will wonder) what possesses people to be so conceited about looks? I think it's great that people have healthy self-images like him, but I don't - and probably never will. That stupid on board faulty programming.
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Oh well, it's one thing to linger on it, another to move on and try to ignore it. All I can do is hope that I don't ever do that to someone else. Becuase I know from experience, it blows to be judged based solely on looks alone. Rejection is the worst kind of abuse.
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I just wish I could delete the faulty programming in my brain. It would make my life a tad easier maybe.
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Enjoy the 6th. Good Thursday, people.
you know that he thought that he was being encouraging. it's really stupid how some people don't have a sense of tact at all.
Well, he really was trying to be encouraging. It just came out of his mouth all wrong.
This is why I encourage people to THINK before they get verbal diarrhea.
I don't have anything to really "help" here. I would have been a basketcase. Body-image, self-image and I don't get along -- at all.
Mine are striving to work together, but it's a little Palestine/Isreal from time to time.
with people encouraging you like that, you definitely don't need detractors.
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